BDP and Me – The holidays are a time to celebrate with family, friends, and loved ones. This, however, is not the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. Those struggling with any mental illness may find it increasingly difficult to cope with the upcoming months of festivities.
What is BPD?
I happen to struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and the holidays can be quite daunting for me (even though Christmas is my favorite). BPD is also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD), which is characterized by unstable relationships, lack of identity, impulsive behaviors, and rapidly changing emotions. We think in black or white; everything’s either beyond fantastic or mind-numbingly awful. It’s like taking a multiple-choice test with A and E as our only options. B, C, and D (the middle ground or “gray” area) are not readily available to choose from as they are for others. Our feelings can flip on the drop of a dime, fluctuating many times throughout each day. It’s a 24/7/365 rollercoaster we ride that never, ever stops.
My concern regarding this time of year and those struggling with BPD is many are prone to self-harm and suicidal thoughts/tendencies. According to an article by David Sack, M.D. in Psychology Today, more than three-quarters of those diagnosed do self-harm in one way or another. 80% report a history of suicide attempts, with a total of 8-10% eventually dying by suicide. This is a rate 50 times higher than that of the general population. I have used cutting to self-harm in addition to making 4 attempts to end my own life.
With emotions running high over the next few months, checking in with your loved one(s) a bit more often to see how they’re faring or if they need to talk could go a long way in easing some of the apprehension and depression associated with this season.
Our Struggle with Anxiety and Social Situations
A friend recently pointed out to me that they saw BPD as anxiety to the extremes, which, in my opinion, is a very accurate description.
The pressure of family get-togethers, friends, work parties, etc., can take its toll on such anxiety and our nerves. If we cancel plans at the last minute, please try to be understanding. It’s nothing personal. When our emotions fast forward into overdrive, we tend to freeze, shut down and/or break down. It’s not that we don’t want to spend time with you; the pressure of socializing and/or being around possible triggers can tend to be too much for us to handle.
Personally, I have difficulty attending large and/or family gatherings due to my struggle with social anxiety and triggers. I tend to shy away from such situations and inform those of why in the hope they’ll accept my decision. If we cancel, we’ll already feel immense guilt for “ruining” plans. Believe me; we don’t want to be this way. It is, however, our current reality and is just looking for some extra reassurance and support, letting us know that “It’s okay”.
Holiday Expectations
This festive time of year can also be filled with many expectations. If/when those aren’t met, the letdown can become earth-shattering for those of us already struggling. This often happens to me. The build-up gets me acting with the energy and joy of a five-year-old on Christmas morning (good extreme), but if things don’t go as planned and/or when the holidays are over, severe depression kicks in (bad extreme). And if something happens to go awry during any of the festivities, no matter whose fault it may be, we will find a way to flip the blame back onto us. It’s our tendency to do so with pretty much everything! Nothing anyone can say or do will be harsher than how we’ll treat/punish ourselves.
A joy-filled time with friends and family during this holiday season is the wish for most, including those of us who struggle. We ask for a little extra patience as we’re coping to the best of our ability in these often anxious situations. This additional love, understanding, and support can go a long way to avoiding some of the pitfalls this particular time of the year can bring to any and/or all of us.
Guest post by Debra Brent
Make sure to follow her journey on
Instagram @borderlinebreakthrough
Twitter @BorderlineBroad
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Somatic coach (therapist) in Canton, GA, and Worldwide Life Coach dedicated to inspiring and assisting people worldwide through candid conversations about anxiety. Having personally battled general anxiety, panic disorder, and OCD, I understand the daily challenges those grappling with anxiety face. My journey involved searching for the right therapist, medication, and natural supplements and undergoing various tests. It was only after deciding to reclaim my life that I finally overcame anxiety’s hold. I’m passionate about helping others conquer their struggles and discover their life purpose.