Growing up with a mother consumed by her own traumas shaped my world in profound ways. It’s a journey through anxious attachment, love avoidance, depression, and deep loneliness. I’m sharing my story to recount my experiences and let you know you’re not alone in your struggle.
The Early Years: Anxious Attachment
From a young age, I craved the nurturing presence my mother couldn’t provide. She was there physically but emotionally distant, trapped in her own unresolved traumas. I remember countless nights lying awake, clutching my pillow, wishing for comfort. This longing became an anxious attachment, making me clingy and fearful that anyone I loved would abandon me.
At school, I was the kid desperate for approval from teachers and friends. The thought of being abandoned or rejected was unbearable. This pattern of anxious attachment followed me into adulthood, affecting my relationships and my ability to trust. I constantly sought reassurance, overwhelmed by the fear of losing connections.
Teenage Turmoil: Love Avoidance
As a teenager, the pain of my emotionally distant upbringing turned into a shield. I avoided deep connections, fearing the inevitable hurt. Love avoidance became my defense mechanism. I kept people at arm’s length, convinced I wouldn’t get hurt if I didn’t let anyone in. But this led to isolation and deeper loneliness.
High school dances were torture, if I went at all. I stood in the corner, watching others enjoy themselves while I was paralyzed by fear of rejection. When I did open up, the anxiety of potentially losing someone became unbearable, leading me to sabotage relationships. I convinced myself I was better off alone, but deep down, the loneliness gnawed at me.
Adulthood: The Weight of Depression
Entering adulthood, the unresolved trauma of growing up with an emotionally unavailable mother weighed heavily on me. Depression set in, wrapping me in its cold embrace. I felt lost and disconnected, struggling to find meaning and purpose. The loneliness was overwhelming, and the world felt dark and unwelcoming.
Everyday tasks became monumental challenges. Getting out of bed, working, and interacting with friends felt insurmountable. Depression whispered lies about my worthlessness and fed my fear of being unlovable. I withdrew further into myself, convinced no one could understand my pain.
Finding Hope and Healing
Despite the pain, I refused to give up. I sought therapy and joined support groups, which made me very aware but never fully healed the deep traumas. I spent 20 years in therapy, gaining understanding but not healing. It wasn’t until I decided to take my life back—after almost losing it—that anxiety finally lost its grip on me.
I began reading everything I could about healing from trauma and applied various techniques to my own life. I learned to identify patterns and developed coping strategies like mindfulness and self-compassion, helping me manage my anxiety and build healthier relationships.
Support groups became a lifeline. Connecting with others who had experienced similar losses made me feel less alone. Hearing their stories and sharing my own provided a sense of validation and community that had been missing for so long.
Rebuilding My Life and Becoming an Emotional Coach
I started to rebuild my life through self-reflection and applying what I learned. I learned to trust again, open up to love, and accept that feeling vulnerable is okay. The journey wasn’t easy, but with each step, I felt a little less lonely and a little more hopeful.
I challenged my negative beliefs about myself and my worth. I practiced self-care and set boundaries to protect my mental health. Slowly, I rebuilt my support network, reconnecting with old friends and forming new, healthier relationships.
One transformative experience was sharing my healing journey on my social media channels. Helping struggling others gave me a sense of purpose and reminded me that I had something valuable to offer. It also helped me heal by providing the nurturing presence I had always longed for.
Realizing the profound impact of my journey, I became an emotional coach. As an athlete, blogger, and coach, I have inspired and helped people worldwide with my open and honest discussions about anxiety. Having struggled with general anxiety, panic disorder, and OCD, I know firsthand how it feels to live with this struggle daily.
In the past several years, I’ve helped hundreds of people worldwide—from all walks of life and cultures. The framework I’ve assembled pulls from various time-tested methods that are evidence-based, scientifically researched, and proven effective time and again. Now, it’s my life’s passion to help others overcome their struggles and find their purpose.
Practical Advice for Others
If you’re reading this and feel the same pain, know you’re not alone. Growing up with an emotionally unavailable parent is a unique and challenging experience, but there is hope. Healing is possible, and it’s okay to seek help. Here are some steps that helped me on my journey:
- Seek Professional Help: Therapy can provide a safe space to explore feelings and develop coping strategies.
- Emotional Coaching: Therapy can bring awareness, but I found it lacks healing. Find a coach to help you navigate the difficult emotions you must go through in the healing journey.
- Join Support Groups: Connecting with others with similar experiences can offer validation and community.
- Practice Self-Care: Prioritize activities that nurture your mental and emotional well-being.
- Build Healthy Relationships: Work on forming connections based on mutual respect and trust.
- Set Boundaries: Protect your mental health by setting limits on what you can and cannot handle.
- Engage in Meaningful Activities: Find purpose through hobbies, volunteering, or pursuing passions that bring you joy.
Conclusion
My journey through anxious attachment, love avoidance, depression, and loneliness has been long and difficult, but it has also been a path to understanding and growth. By sharing my story, I hope to reach others struggling and let them know that healing is possible. You’re not alone in this journey; we can find the strength to heal and move forward together.
Are you ready to break free from stress, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and OCD? If so, remember that you are not alone. There is a path to healing; together, we can find the strength to move forward.
Additional Resources
- Psychology Today:
- Article on anxious attachment: Anxious Attachment: Understanding Insecure Anxious Attachment
- Article on love avoidance: Fear of Intimacy: The Role of Love Avoidance in Relationships
- Verywell Mind:
- Article on anxious attachment: What Is Anxious Attachment?
- Article on avoidant attachment (includes love avoidance): Avoidant Attachment: Understanding Insecure Avoidant Attachment
- The Attachment Project:
- Comprehensive guide on anxious attachment: Anxious Attachment Style
- Comprehensive guide on avoidant attachment: Avoidant Attachment Style
- Healthline:
- Article on anxious attachment: Anxious Attachment Style: Symptoms and How to Cope
- Article on avoidant attachment (including love avoidance): Understanding Avoidant Attachment
- Mind Body Green:
- Article on anxious attachment: Understanding Anxious Attachment & How It Impacts Your Relationships
- Article on love avoidance: Avoidant Attachment Style: How It Affects Your Relationships
Somatic coach (therapist) in Canton, GA, and Worldwide Life Coach dedicated to inspiring and assisting people worldwide through candid conversations about anxiety. Having personally battled general anxiety, panic disorder, and OCD, I understand the daily challenges those grappling with anxiety face. My journey involved searching for the right therapist, medication, and natural supplements and undergoing various tests. It was only after deciding to reclaim my life that I finally overcame anxiety’s hold. I’m passionate about helping others conquer their struggles and discover their life purpose.