How to Support a Foster Child Struggling with Anxiety
The foster care system in the US faces immense challenges and affects children in many ways. Forbes notes that it is actually failing foster children, with painful realities like physical abuse and emotional neglect. These children also face separation from their parents and siblings, which is a traumatic experience.
Foster children often carry the weight of past traumas, uncertainty, and disrupted attachments, making anxiety a common challenge. As a caregiver, you can help them feel safe and secure, provided you are committed to making a difference. However, it takes more than compassion and empathy to give them hope to heal.
This article provides actionable strategies to create stability and build resilience in foster children. Whether you’re new to fostering or seeking fresh tools, these steps empower you to foster a nurturing environment that reduces anxiety and promotes healing.
Create a Calm Space
According to USA Facts, 527,180 kids were in foster care in the US in 2023. West Virginia had the highest rate of children in this system. While the number has declined by a whopping 40% since 1998, the problems persist. If you want to make a difference as a caregiver, creating a calm space is a good start.
Designate a dedicated calm space in your home to provide a sanctuary during anxious moments. It can be a nook in their bedroom or a cozy spot in the living room, away from high-traffic areas. Equip it with soft lighting, plush cushions, weighted blankets for deep pressure comfort, and sensory items such as fidget toys, stress balls, or noise-canceling headphones.
Personalize the space with the child’s input to build ownership. You can ask what colors or textures make them feel safe. Stock it with calming activities like coloring books, puzzles, or guided breathing apps. Limit electronics to avoid overstimulation, and set gentle boundaries, like a 10-15 minute timer, to encourage return to daily activities.
Validate Feelings
A CNBC article highlights the importance of validation because kids feel safe when they are validated. Every child needs to be seen, heard, and believed, and validating their feelings makes this possible. When they are upset, show them that you believe them, whether you agree or disagree.
Validation also helps with trust-building, signaling to your foster child that their emotions are real and worthy. Avoid dismissive phrases and use empathetic language. Practice active listening by getting down to their eye level, maintaining soft eye contact, and reflecting back what you hear. Pair validation with a gentle touch if welcomed, like a hand on the shoulder.
When children feel validated, they develop better emotional regulation, which reduces anxiety outbursts. Also, follow validation with collaborative problem-solving by asking, “What might help right now?” This empowers them without fixing everything for them and nurturing long-term coping skills.
Know When to Seek Professional Help
Raising a foster child with anxiety issues is not easy, and home strategies may not always work. Professional intervention is essential for severe or persistent anxiety. Watch for red flags like panic attacks, withdrawal from activities, sleep disturbances, self-harm ideation, or regression in skills such as potty training.
If these are noticeable, you must seek help. A pediatrician can give a full assessment, ruling out medical issues. Therapists specializing in trauma-informed care, such as those using Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT), are ideal. You can also look for a qualified social worker for actionable support. St. Bonaventure University notes that these professionals are equipped to provide trauma-informed care.
Many aspiring social workers are pursuing online master’s of social work to step into this empathic career. Since these online programs make it possible to gain credentials without a career gap, they are preferred by working professionals. For foster parents, this means better accessibility to professional support for their children.
Teach Coping Skills
If a child has anxiety issues, you cannot leave them on their own to heal with time. No matter how much you love them, they need extra help to deal with their struggles. Equipping your foster child with coping skills builds independence and self-soothing abilities.
Begin with age-appropriate techniques. For young kids, try the “balloon breath”, while older children benefit from grounding exercises. Incorporate progressive muscle relaxation, where they tense and release muscle groups from toes to head. Use visual aids like emotion charts or apps for guidance.
Practice daily during low-stress times, turning it into a game with rewards. Role-play scenarios, like “What if a friend teases you?” to prepare for triggers. Tailor these coping exercises to their interests. For example, you can pair breathing with their favorite songs. Also, remember to celebrate small wins to boost confidence.
Establish Predictable Routines
According to the Society of Care, predictable routines offer a sense of safety, stability, and comfort to children. This helps them feel secure in their daily lives and supports their growth, learning, and emotional well-being. Routines also build responsibility and self-discipline in kids, making them all the more important for those in foster care.
For non-readers, you can create a visual daily schedule using pictures or charts, outlining wake-up, meals, playtime, homework, and bedtime. Post it prominently and stick to it 90% of the time. Add notes for changes, such as “Tomorrow we have a doctor’s visit after school—let’s mark it here.”, so that they feel prepared.
Incorporate rituals like a consistent bedtime story or morning high-five to anchor the day. Flexible routines accommodate therapy or visits, but maintain core structure. Involve the child in routine tweaks to give control, reducing resistance. Track progress weekly, adjusting as trust grows. Over months, this foundation minimizes anxiety spikes from uncertainty.
FAQs
What do children in foster care need the most?
Children in foster care crave stability, unconditional love, and a sense of belonging above all. Unlike typical family dynamics, they’ve often faced multiple placements, leading to attachment fears. Prioritize consistent routines, clear boundaries, and quality time—simple acts like family dinners build security.
How to help an anxious child calm down?
First, stay calm yourself, as your steady presence regulates their nervous system. Move to a quiet space, validate feelings (“I see you’re upset”), and guide deep breathing. Offer a comforting object like a stuffed animal or weighted lap pad. Distract gently with sensory play, like playdough or bubbles. Avoid rushing, and let them lead so that they settle in at their own pace.
What is the biggest problem with foster care?
The biggest issue is systemic instability, with children averaging 2-3 placements yearly, per U.S. Department of Health data. This disrupts bonds, schooling, and mental health, exacerbating anxiety and behavioral issues. Overworked caseworkers delay support, while shortages of therapeutic homes leave vulnerable youth in group settings.
A child in foster care is susceptible to emotional struggles, including anxiety. For foster parents, it is important to help children in their care. Recognizing the need for help is the first step, and creating actionable strategies is the next. With the right approach and commitment, foster parents can help children deal with anxiety and become resilient and confident.
