Borderline Personality Disorder: The New Year, Resolutions and Change
A Fresh Start
Tis the season to begin again. Out with the old and in with the new! For those living with mental illness, particularly so for individuals struggling with Borderline Personality (BPD), the tradition of New Year’s resolutions can be downright terrifying.
BPD (also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder or EUPD) is characterized by extreme emotional instability. Basically, certain emotional milestones were never reached and, for all intents and purposes, were frozen at a particular point in our development. More often than not, this has been found to be due to past trauma and/or neglect. BPD has been described as riding an emotional rollercoaster 24/7/365 which never, ever stops. That being said, making “standard” resolutions are, in my opinion, a platform for mental and/or physical self-destruction due to the off the chart highs and lows accompanying this disorder.
Resolution Pitfalls
Many make resolutions such as losing a particular amount of weight by a certain date, to begin running/walking/frequenting the gym every day, turning vegan, etc. They resolve to become a totally different person in a specific, often times short, period. For those diagnosed with BPD, many contend with issues pertaining to expectations/change and the massive letdown accompanying an unsuccessful implementation. For example: If we resolve to lose 20 lbs in a month and said goal is not reached, we tend to deem ourselves a failure. Our self-confidence/worth diminishes. We may even go so far as to self-harm to punish ourselves for not being “good enough”. It’s a cycle that can bring any one of us to our knees and begin a spiral down the path of self-destruction.
Making resolutions is supposed to be a way of bettering ourselves. Those struggling with BPD can also do this, however, may want to utilize a different method of setting such goals/objectives to create a positive mindset as opposed to our often self-defeating one.
Realistic Expectations
Instead of stating you wish to lose 20 lbs in a month, start with a blanket goal of simply losing weight. Don’t put a number or time frame to it. Then, bullet point below those ways in which you know to be realistic in attaining set goals, such as exercising only few times a week, changing your diet one food group or even one item at a time, etc. Set smaller objectives within the original and reward yourself for each step completed! Change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process, one requiring time, patience and hard, consistent work. Thus the incentive to reward yourself along the way. The more realistic each intention, the more one’s self-confidence can be built and by reaching, then maintaining, said smaller goals, you are, in actuality, creating a new way of life in the process.
It’s been said it takes 21 days to create a habit and 90 days to create a lifestyle. By beginning with the shorter of the two, you’re giving yourself a greater chance of achieving that 21-day habit as opposed to jumping head first into the 90-day lifestyle change. Start small and work your way up.
Grace
One thing to keep in mind, life rarely ever goes as we plan. Therefore, there will be days you won’t be able to exercise, end up skipping a meal, cheat, etc. THAT’S OK! Don’t beat yourself up! Instead, extend grace and realize “life happens”, you are doing the best you can and begin again the next day or the day after that. Putting too much pressure on yourself can be just as self-defeating as not trying at all.
It’s all a balancing act which, with a little forethought, planning, and REALISTIC expectations/intentions, can become positive in the New Year and continue for years thereafter. By implementing smaller goals, rewards and following through with each, you are, in reality, rewiring your train of thought, becoming mindful and, in fact, are allowing yourself to heal.
Changing the way you think will, in turn, create new actions/reactions which will, ultimately, begin a new way of living. You just have to dig deep down and begin the process by making a decision to “change your perspective”.
May you all have a safe and Happy New Year blessed with change, growth, and healing.
Guest Post By Debra Brent make sure to follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
Somatic coach (therapist) in Canton, GA, and Worldwide Life Coach dedicated to inspiring and assisting people worldwide through candid conversations about anxiety. Having personally battled general anxiety, panic disorder, and OCD, I understand the daily challenges those grappling with anxiety face. My journey involved searching for the right therapist, medication, and natural supplements and undergoing various tests. It was only after deciding to reclaim my life that I finally overcame anxiety’s hold. I’m passionate about helping others conquer their struggles and discover their life purpose.