Empathy and its Relation to Borderline Personality Disorder
What Exactly is Empathy?
According to Wikipedia:
“Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another’s position.”
It is not experiencing the same circumstances but instead trying to understand a situation by looking through the same lens as your loved one. Upon delving further into this topic, three distinct types of empathy were revealed. Listed below are those definitions as described in an article by Justin Bariso on inc.com:
- Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand how a person feels and what they might be thinking. Cognitive empathy makes us better communicators because it helps us to relay information in a way that best reaches the other person.
- Emotional empathy (also known as affective empathy) is the ability to share another person’s feelings. Some have described it as “your pain in my heart.” This type of empathy helps you build emotional connections with others.
- Compassionate empathy (also known as an empathic concern) goes beyond simply understanding others and sharing their feelings: it actually moves us to take action, to help however we can.
Now that we have a basic understanding of empathy and its various meanings let’s take a closer look at how it is regarded in the world of those struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
“Borderline Empathy”
You will find a phrase floating around the web labeled “borderline empathy.” According to Eric A. Fertuck, Ph.D. in Psychology Today, it is suggested “…individuals with BPD may have an enhancement in a particular form of emotion recognition called “mental state discrimination” when it is based on the eye region of the human face.” This is referring to the heightened perception of those living with BPD and their ability to read another’s emotional state through the expression in one’s eyes.
Personally, I consider myself to be amply empathetic when not encompassed within extreme periods of stress. One negative aspect of those of us struggling with BPD, however, is due to the constantly fluctuating emotions and tendency to blame ourselves for everything, we may be able to pick up on another’s anger, fear, frustration, etc., but then proceed to jump to the wrong conclusion as to the reason for the other’s particular emotion. An example may be reading anger on another’s face and automatically assuming said anger is being directed towards us. Conversely, noticing the sadness in one’s eyes can physically/emotionally pain us as we veer in the direction of relating to and taking on those same emotions, even though the situation at hand does not directly involve us. This would be referred to as “emotional empathy” and is found to be the particular form most related to those struggling with BPD.
Empathy Skills
On the flip side, according to an article on bpdfamily.com, being empathetic towards your friend or loved one living with BPD is considered one of the most important life skills you could learn to master. Surprisingly, one study conducted by Perry Hoffman, Ed.D found “… the #1 predictor of recovery of Borderline Personality Disorder is the presence of a caring and empathetic person in the patient’s life.”
According to the same article on bpdfamily.com, there are some skill sets (listed below) suggested to be learned and put into practice by those having to interact with any individual diagnosed with BPD:
- Set aside personal beliefs, concerns, agendas
- Remove ourselves/Gain perspective
- Be present/Be an active listener
- Getting beyond the facts/Relate
- Talk to the person’s inner-child
- See empathy as a lifestyle, not an event
Trying to place yourself in the shoes of those struggling can, ultimately, aid in them feeling increasingly understood and validated. Part of our struggle and subsequent anger is that of the stigma associated with this disorder and being cast aside as overly emotional and irrational, thus inflaming our already perpetual feelings of loneliness. By gaining even a general idea of what we live, feel and deal with on a daily basis, empathy can become a significant tool in easing tension and bridging the gap between your loved ones hurting and healing.
Guest post was written by Debra Brent, who is a recovery in process that struggles with BPD, CPTSD, MDD, Anxiety, Fibro, Chronic Pain
Somatic coach (therapist) in Canton, GA, and Worldwide Life Coach dedicated to inspiring and assisting people worldwide through candid conversations about anxiety. Having personally battled general anxiety, panic disorder, and OCD, I understand the daily challenges those grappling with anxiety face. My journey involved searching for the right therapist, medication, and natural supplements and undergoing various tests. It was only after deciding to reclaim my life that I finally overcame anxiety’s hold. I’m passionate about helping others conquer their struggles and discover their life purpose.