For years, I was stuck in a cycle of blame. I blamed my mother, my father, my family—anyone who contributed to the anxiety and depression that consumed my life. I thought that holding onto blame would somehow lead to healing. But the truth is, blame only kept me stuck. Healing through validation was the real turning point for me.
The Trap of Blame in the Healing Process
Blame feels like a natural response when we’re hurting. It gives us a reason for our pain, something to point to and say, “This is why I feel this way.” But while blame might offer a temporary sense of validation, it doesn’t bring us any closer to healing. In fact, it does the opposite. Blame keeps us trapped in the past, reliving the hurt over and over again. True healing through validation requires us to move beyond this blame and look inward.
When we focus on blaming others, we give away our power. We say, “I’m this way because of you,” rather than taking control of our own healing journey. Blame might feel justified, but it anchors us in resentment, preventing us from moving forward.
Why Blame Is Not True Validation
Here’s the paradox: blame feels like it validates our pain, but it actually stops us from truly acknowledging it. Healing through validation means understanding and accepting our experiences without assigning blame. Blame keeps us stuck in a loop, constantly reacting to the actions of others instead of addressing our own wounds. True validation isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s about acknowledging the reality of our pain and how it has shaped us.
For years, I thought blaming my family would lead to some form of resolution. But the more I blamed, the more I felt consumed by my anxiety and depression. It wasn’t until I shifted my focus to healing through validation that I began to see real change.
Healing Through Validation: Shifting Focus
The journey of healing through validation began when I made a conscious decision to shift my focus. I had to stop seeing myself solely as a victim of my circumstances. This wasn’t about excusing others for their actions or pretending everything was fine. It was about validating my own experiences—saying, “Yes, I was hurt, and yes, it affected me deeply. But it doesn’t define all of who I am.”
When I started validating my own pain, I began to unravel the layers of my anxiety and depression. I realized that underneath the surface-level symptoms were deeper wounds that had been manifesting for years. Healing through validation meant looking beyond the actions of others and focusing on what I needed to heal those wounds.
Validating Your Own Story for True Healing
Healing through validation means giving yourself permission to acknowledge what happened to you without letting it control your life. It’s about telling yourself, “My feelings are valid. My pain is real.” This is not about letting anyone off the hook or excusing harmful behavior. It’s about reclaiming your power and freeing yourself from the grip that others’ actions have had on your life.
When you validate your own story, you begin to see yourself as someone with agency, someone who has the power to heal and move forward. Healing through validation is not about blaming others; it’s about recognizing where you came from and consciously deciding where you’re headed.
Healing the Inner Child Through Validation
For me, healing through validation involved addressing the hurting little boy inside. It meant acknowledging his pain without blaming him or anyone else for it. It meant comforting him, telling him that his feelings were real and that he was not alone. Only through this process of healing through validation could I begin to address the root causes of my anxiety and depression.
Healing the inner child is about integrating the past into the present. It’s about understanding and accepting what happened to you, not erasing it. By validating that part of yourself, you can break free from the chains of the past and move forward with clarity and purpose.
Breaking Free Healing Through Validation, Not Blame
Blame might feel like it gives you a reason for your pain, but it doesn’t provide a path forward. Healing through validation does. By letting go of blame, you take responsibility for your own healing. This isn’t about excusing others’ actions; it’s about freeing yourself from the chokehold of their impact on your life.
When you embrace healing through validation, you start to see the deeper wounds that need healing. You begin to address the real issues instead of just reacting to the symptoms. This is where true healing begins—by validating your own experiences and taking back your power.
Conclusion: Embracing Healing Through Validation
Healing isn’t about blaming others. It’s about validating your own experiences, acknowledging your pain, and reclaiming your power. Healing through validation involves recognizing the hurt and its impact on you without letting it define your entire existence.
Blame keeps you stuck in the past, but healing through validation sets you free. It’s about shifting the focus from what others did to you to how you can heal and move forward. When you stop blaming and start validating, you take the first real step toward healing and freedom.
Questions People Ask – Healing Through Validation
How Do You Heal From Validation?
Healing through validation involves acknowledging and accepting your emotions and experiences without judgment. To heal, start by recognizing your feelings as valid, even if others have dismissed them in the past. This means giving yourself permission to feel pain, sadness, or anger. Once you’ve acknowledged these emotions, work on self-compassion. Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Healing through validation is an ongoing process of self-acceptance, where you learn to comfort your inner self instead of seeking external approval.
How Do I Stop Obsessing Over Validation?
Obsessing over validation usually stems from a deep-rooted need for approval. To stop this cycle, begin by identifying the triggers that make you seek validation. Practice self-awareness and catch yourself in moments when you’re looking for external approval. Replace these thoughts with self-affirmation. Remind yourself that your worth isn’t determined by others’ opinions. Developing self-confidence and setting boundaries is crucial. Engage in self-care practices that reinforce your value, independent of external praise. Over time, this will help you shift from needing others’ validation to finding it within yourself.
Why Do I Thrive on Validation?
Thriving on validation often comes from a desire to feel accepted and valued. It’s a natural human tendency to seek approval as a form of social connection. However, when this need becomes excessive, it can point to underlying issues such as low self-esteem, past trauma, or an upbringing that conditioned you to rely on others for your sense of worth. Understanding this psychology can help you address the root causes. By exploring why you seek external validation, you can work towards developing a stronger sense of self-worth that doesn’t depend on others’ approval.
What Is the Psychology Behind Validation?
The psychology behind validation is rooted in our basic human need for acceptance and belonging. From an early age, we learn to seek validation from caregivers as a form of emotional safety. Validation acts as a form of social feedback, reassuring us that our feelings and experiences are understood. However, when we rely too heavily on external validation, it can lead to a lack of self-acceptance. Understanding this psychological need can help us recognize when we are seeking validation in unhealthy ways and encourage us to practice self-validation. This involves acknowledging our feelings and experiences as real and worthy, independent of others’ opinions.
Additional Resources
- “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown
- Overview: Brené Brown explores the power of embracing vulnerability and letting go of the need for perfection. The book guides readers toward self-acceptance and teaches how to cultivate self-worth by embracing one’s imperfections.
- Why It Helps: It encourages the practice of self-compassion and teaches readers how to find validation from within rather than seeking it externally.
- “Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha” by Tara Brach
- Overview: Tara Brach delves into the concept of radical acceptance—accepting yourself and your life completely. She offers meditative practices and insights to help readers overcome feelings of unworthiness and self-criticism.
- Why It Helps: This book offers tools for self-validation and helps break the cycle of seeking validation from others by fostering a deep sense of inner peace.
- “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” by Dr. Kristin Neff
- Overview: Dr. Kristin Neff introduces the concept of self-compassion and how being kind to oneself can lead to greater emotional resilience. The book provides practical exercises and guided meditations.
- Why It Helps: It teaches the importance of self-validation and self-compassion as key components in overcoming the need for external approval.
- “The Self-Love Experiment: Fifteen Principles for Becoming More Kind, Compassionate, and Accepting of Yourself” by Shannon Kaiser
- Overview: Shannon Kaiser presents a step-by-step guide to building self-love and self-acceptance. The book includes practical exercises and personal stories to help readers embrace their true selves.
- Why It Helps: This book focuses on internal validation and provides strategies to shift from seeking external validation to nurturing self-love.
- “Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life” by Susan David
- Overview: Psychologist Susan David explains how to develop emotional agility to navigate life’s challenges. She emphasizes the importance of accepting and understanding emotions to foster psychological well-being.
- Why It Helps: It encourages self-awareness and acceptance, guiding readers on how to validate their emotions and experiences without relying on external affirmation.
Somatic coach (therapist) in Canton, GA, and Worldwide Life Coach dedicated to inspiring and assisting people worldwide through candid conversations about anxiety. Having personally battled general anxiety, panic disorder, and OCD, I understand the daily challenges those grappling with anxiety face. My journey involved searching for the right therapist, medication, and natural supplements and undergoing various tests. It was only after deciding to reclaim my life that I finally overcame anxiety’s hold. I’m passionate about helping others conquer their struggles and discover their life purpose.