Psychologist Leslie Becker-Phelps Ph.D. believes that mentalizing may be key to overcoming being stuck, lost, or overwhelmed by life. When things seem impossible to get through it can make you feel like you have lost your direction in life.
There are ways to get beyond this feeling. The most important step, as is often the case with emotional problems, is to forgive yourself. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-change/201702/feeling-stuck-lost-or-overwhelmed-there-is-hope).
Importance of Self Forgiveness
A huge factor in losing our way in life is our tendency for self blame and emotionally punishing ourselves. Psychotherapist Beverly Engel L.M.F.T. believes that forgiving ourselves is just as important as forgiving those who have harmed us. ).
Beverly Engel suggests that when we perceive that we have harmed others we ultimately feel shame and guilt. This is also true if we have made mistakes that only really affect ourselves. If we spend too much time dwelling on the feelings of shame and guilt, we write our own narrative in which we are the villain of our lives. It is important to remember that we are human and we make mistakes. We need to forgive ourselves in order to move forward.
How to Forgive Yourself
President of the Empowerment Partnership Matt James Ph.D. suggests that forgiving other people can often be easy but self forgiveness is harder. There are a number of ways in which we can start to forgive ourselves including:
- Understand our Motivations: Something led to the actions which resulted in an event that we want to forgive ourselves for. We can not however fully forgive ourselves until we assess why we acted the way we did. What were the underlying emotions and what were our intentions? Once we know this we can begin to let go of the guilt and shame.
- Release the Past: In order to break free of guilt and shame and find forgiveness we must first be ready to let go of the past. We must be willing to let go of old mistakes and attitudes to find a way to move on.
- Own Your Mistakes: If you need to forgive yourself then you likely feel like you made mistakes. Forgiveness can not be dependent on ignoring the mistake you made. You can only forgive yourself fully if you don’t admit that you made a mistake. Embrace your mistake and learn from it to truly be at peace with it.
- Learn to Love Yourself: When someone we love does something wrong then within reason, we find it easy to forgive them. This is because we love them and we feel they deserve forgiveness. If we make mistakes and we hate ourselves for them then how can we begin to forgive ourselves? So, the first step to self forgiveness is to learn to love and respect yourself.
Benefits of Self Forgiveness
Psychology professors Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D., and Linda E. Weinberger, Ph.D. say that not being able to forgive yourself can lead to festering negative emotions. This can lead to emotional problems and prolonged damage to your personal relationships. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-nourishment/201704/forgiving-yourself).
When we can forgive our minor transgressions and mistakes this allows us to become empathetic towards ourselves. As a result, this increased empathy helps us understand others as well.
When we stop and consider our own motivations as we seek self-forgiveness, we can understand how others feel as well. Once we know why other people may act the way we do we are more able to forgive them their minor transgressions.
Essentially self forgiveness is the first step in understanding ourselves better and those around us that we care most about. This is important to our efforts to get back on track with our lives when we feel lost.
Somatic coach (therapist) in Canton, GA, and Worldwide Life Coach dedicated to inspiring and assisting people worldwide through candid conversations about anxiety. Having personally battled general anxiety, panic disorder, and OCD, I understand the daily challenges those grappling with anxiety face. My journey involved searching for the right therapist, medication, and natural supplements and undergoing various tests. It was only after deciding to reclaim my life that I finally overcame anxiety’s hold. I’m passionate about helping others conquer their struggles and discover their life purpose.