What is “Quiet” Suicide”?

September is Suicide Awareness Month and I’d like to touch base on the little known subject of “quiet” suicide.

What is “Quiet” Suicide?

Many believe those who attempt to take their own life first cry out for help. This can be seen in ways such as literally talking about attempting suicide, radical changes in their appearance and/or behavior, outward anger and rage that has never been seen before or the opposite, such as severe depression and uncontrollable crying.

Just as in those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) where traits can be seen in either outward or inward focused rage, so too can suicide be a “quiet” internalized struggle. In this fashion, signs may appear outwardly more subtle, to the point of not noticing them at all.

Quiet suicidal attempts are far more difficult to detect and also may never be brought to the surface if/when they happen to fail.

Many whose “quiet” attempts are unsuccessful revert back into their shell and face not only their struggles up to that point alone, but the continued thoughts of suicide as well.

What are the Signs of Quiet Suicide?

According to this article on themighty.com (https://themighty.com/2021/09/suicide-quiet-attempts-warning-signs/), “Although there may be signs that someone is planning on attempting a “quiet” suicide, they’re subtle – which makes these attempts more dangerous. People who plan on discreetly attempting suicide might not cry in front of others or vent about their problems. Instead, they might slowly change their appearance, tell family and friends how much they love them and plan out a suicide location that ensures they won’t be found during the attempt. Unfortunately, to those who love quietly suicidal individuals, this behavior may come across more as signs of experimentation or love than as a precursor to a potentially fatal suicide attempt.”

Personally, I never talked about taking my own life, but reached out in other ways hoping someone would notice the signs. When they were ignored, I felt worthless, totally alone and as if I didn’t matter. This in turn had me reaching out less and less (even subtly) each subsequent time I attempted.

Surviving a Quiet Suicide Attempt

For those whose attempts at taking their own life fail, it can become an almost prison-like existence. They tend to hold themselves hostage to their feelings and again, keep it all bottled up to deal with on their own.

I tend to think those who struggle with “Quiet BPD” as I do, are also ones who would fall into the “quiet” suicidal category. That is frightening to think about considering the statistics that up to 10% of those diagnosed with BPD successfully take their own life and up to 70% attempt at least once.

It’s a slippery slope for those struggling with such thoughts because they are the ones you might least expect it from. They are also the ones who wear a mask on the outside, while feeling as if they are literally dying on the inside.

And when you’ve gone through life being seen and perceived a certain way, it can become more difficult as time goes on to speak up about that inner turmoil out of the fear of not being believed.

The Struggle is the Same

Whether someone struggles outwardly or inwardly, the internal battle is still the same.

Just because one may be more open and/or vocal than another should not diminish the fact that ANYONE struggling with suicidal thoughts is hurting deeply inside.

Please don’t blow off a family member or friend who reaches out because you may think it’s a lie, attention seeking or that it’s just “not them”.

Suicide does not discriminate due to age, race, ethnicity, sex, income, marital status or the vocal ability to talk about their struggles and/or reach out for help.

Hurting is hurting, period! And with all that’s going on in the world nowadays, it’s extremely important that we learn to LISTEN instead of just hear, don’t push signs off to the side for being too “subtle” and also reach out to our neighbors and loved ones if we have an inclination or gut feeling that something just isn’t right.

We need each other now more than ever!

Just as they say it takes a village to help raise someone, it takes a village to help save the life of another as well.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

Debra Brent

Writer, poet, designer, crafter, and mental health advocate. I have encountered struggles throughout life with addiction, depression, anxiety, chronic pain, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. I no longer identify with the above struggles, however, as I refuse to be defined by a disorder, disease or diagnosis. It is through the guidance of an anxiety coach in which I continue the healing of both my mental and physical health, while in the process supporting others along their own path towards recovery.