Most people think anxiety is just about overthinking. Racing thoughts. Restlessness. Maybe even fear of the future. But if you’ve tried every breathing technique, read every self-help book, and still find yourself stuck in the same emotional patterns, then you’re not just dealing with anxiety—you’re dealing with complex anxiety and the anxiety cycle.
Unlike general anxiety, complex anxiety doesn’t come from what might happen. It comes from what already did. From the emotional wounds you never processed. From the trauma you minimized. From the pain you learned to perform your way out of. And until you go back and feel what you were never allowed to feel, you’ll keep living out the same emotional cycle—naming it anxiety, but never healing it.
The Root of Complex Anxiety: The Pain You Buried
Emma came to me as a highly accomplished professional—intelligent, capable, and on paper, thriving. But beneath the surface? She was drowning in loneliness, shame, and confusion. Not because she didn’t know how to think her way through life—but because she never learned how to feel her way through it.
Her story is one I see often: emotionally distant father, golden-child sibling, years of feeling invisible while pretending to be okay. No big “T” trauma. Just a lifetime of small traumas that add up. Dismissed feelings. Subtle comparisons. Unspoken grief. Her anxiety wasn’t random—it was her body screaming out the emotions her mind had spent years trying to suppress.
And like many others, Emma found herself in the anxiety cycle: A trigger happens—someone ignores her, withdraws, or rejects her. Thoughts rush in: “What did I do wrong?” That leads to feelings of shame, rejection, and unworthiness. Instead of sitting with the emotion, she distracts—food, work, social media, isolation. Then it happens again. And again. Until it becomes a lifestyle. A default. An identity.
The Problem: This Isn’t Just Anxiety—It’s a Survival Response
Complex anxiety is misunderstood because it wears different masks. It looks like social anxiety, avoidance, burnout, or even high achievement. But at its core, it’s a survival response to unhealed emotional pain.
You’ve probably heard about functional depression too—the kind where you show up, meet deadlines, smile in meetings… but you feel completely disconnected from yourself. That’s not laziness. That’s not “low energy.” That’s emotional shutdown from years of pushing down your anger, grief, and shame.
The biggest mistake? Believing this is a thinking problem. It’s not. You can’t outthink trauma. You can’t heal what you refuse to feel.
The Solution: Emotional Healing Starts in the Body, Not the Mind
Here’s what healing complex anxiety actually looks like:
1. Recognize the Anxiety Cycle
Track the pattern: trigger → thought → feeling → action. Becoming aware of this cycle is the first step to breaking it.
2. Feel the Emotion in Your Body
Where is the anxiety living? Is it in your chest? Your stomach? Your throat? That’s your body trying to get your attention. Stop labeling it. Start locating it.
3. Sit With It—Not In It
Sitting in your emotions means looping in the story or trying to fix it. Sitting with your emotions means letting them rise, naming them without judgment, and allowing yourself to simply feel. That’s where healing happens.
4. Ask the Right Question
Stop asking why—why am I like this, why don’t they like me, why does this keep happening? That’s how you stay stuck. Instead, ask what: What inside me still needs to be felt? What part of me is still hurting?
5. Validate Your Pain
You can’t heal emotions you continue to dismiss. Validation isn’t about saying it’s okay—it’s about saying, “This matters. I matter.” Only then can you release it.
Healing Complex Anxiety Means Rewriting Your Story
Complex anxiety isn’t a flaw. It’s a signal. It’s your body trying to finally process the emotional weight you’ve carried for far too long. When you stop trying to manage your symptoms and start addressing your core wounds, everything begins to change.
You don’t need another label. You need to feel what was never safe to feel. That’s how you stop the cycle. That’s how you reconnect with yourself. And that’s how you finally move from survival to freedom.
What Others Are Asking
❓1. What is complex anxiety?
Complex anxiety stems from unprocessed emotional trauma, often rooted in childhood experiences like neglect, emotional invalidation, or abandonment. It’s not just fear of the future—it’s the echo of past wounds that haven’t been healed, playing out through your body and behaviors.
❓2. How is complex anxiety different from general anxiety?
General anxiety focuses on the future—the “what ifs.”
Complex anxiety is rooted in the past—the “what was.” It often shows up as emotional overreactions, chronic overthinking, social anxiety, or feeling unworthy, even when things are “fine” on the surface.
❓3. What causes complex anxiety?
Complex anxiety is caused by core wounds from unresolved trauma. This includes emotionally distant caregivers, sibling comparisons, bullying, or being forced to suppress emotions. These create belief systems and behaviors that keep you trapped in emotional survival mode.
❓4. Can complex anxiety lead to depression?
Yes. Functional depression is common in those with complex anxiety. You keep going, working, showing up—but inside, you feel numb, disconnected, or angry. This quiet, internal suffering is often mistaken for burnout or fatigue when it’s really unprocessed pain.
❓5. How do I start healing complex anxiety?
Stop analyzing. Start feeling.
Track your emotional triggers, locate sensations in your body, and validate your feelings without judgment. Ask “what needs to heal inside me?” instead of “why am I like this?” Healing happens when you feel your way through, not think your way out.
Books To Help You Heal
1. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.
A seminal work that explores how trauma reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. Dr. van der Kolk integrates recent scientific advances with clinical case studies to show how innovative treatments—such as neurofeedback, mindfulness techniques, play, yoga, and other therapies—offer new paths to recovery.
2. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
This guide offers practical tools for those suffering from Complex PTSD, a condition that arises from prolonged exposure to relational trauma. Walker provides insights into managing emotional flashbacks, self-abandonment, and toxic shame, aiming to help readers move from a state of survival to one of thriving.
3. The Complex PTSD Workbook by Arielle Schwartz, Ph.D.
A hands-on workbook designed to help individuals understand and heal from Complex PTSD. Dr. Schwartz combines mindfulness, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and somatic therapy techniques to assist readers in developing self-awareness and resilience.
4. High Functioning: Overcome Your Hidden Depression and Reclaim Your Joy by Judith Joseph, M.D.
Dr. Joseph addresses the often-overlooked phenomenon of high-functioning depression, where individuals appear successful externally but struggle internally. The book offers strategies to recognize hidden depression and provides tools to reclaim joy and emotional well-being.
5. It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn
Wolynn explores the concept of inherited family trauma and its impact on our lives. Through a combination of personal stories, case studies, and practical tools, the book guides readers in identifying and breaking the cycle of inherited emotional patterns.
Want to go deeper? Book a 1:1 emotional healing session or explore our online courses designed to help you heal your anxiety from the inside out.
Somatic coach (therapist) in Canton, GA, and Worldwide Life Coach dedicated to inspiring and assisting people worldwide through candid conversations about anxiety. Having personally battled general anxiety, panic disorder, and OCD, I understand the daily challenges those grappling with anxiety face. My journey involved searching for the right therapist, medication, and natural supplements and undergoing various tests. It was only after deciding to reclaim my life that I finally overcame anxiety’s hold. I’m passionate about helping others conquer their struggles and discover their life purpose.